Turning 50 is a Big DEAL

Turning 50 is a big deal for most people. It marks a half century and reminds us that we really have lived a significant portion of our lives. If you have dreams or plans for what you want to do in this life, it's time to start. I had thought about searching for my birth mother at times, but never seemed to set the process in motion. I felt that this would be something significant to mark my half century birthday.

Catholic Charities of Spokane diocese handled my adoption and I found out that they had a process in place for both adoptes and birth mothers to search for each other. I told mom and dad that I was planning to start a search and they encouraged me to go for it. I asked mom if she would like to go with me to the interview with the counselor and she enthusiastically agreed. The counselor explained the process: First I had to write a letter to my birth mother. I could say whatever I wanted, but she explained that the birth mother is under no obligation to respond. She said almost 95% do, but that I shouldn't expect it or that it would be soon. The records of adoptions are sealed by the courts. There was a law passed a few years ago that set up a process, directed by a court appointed agent ( Catholic Charities has this counselor act as the agent) who will be able to open the sealed documents and who then is allowed to contact the birth mother named in the document. This agent then searches for the woman and contacts them. She said that she had been doing this for several years and that she has most families are cautiously receptive. After this contact with the birth mother the counselor explains that she has a letter from the adoptee if the woman wishes to read it. She is also invited to write a letter to the adopte. Names and contact information can be included but not expected. The adopte or the birth mother can keep anonymity if they wish. The counselor spent a lot of time reviewing my expectations and possible responses from the as yet unkown birth mother. She was explained that most adoptes find contact a good experience but she gave no guarantees. I explained that I was simply searching because I wanted to let my birth mother know that I had a wonderful life and to say "Thank You". I was of course curious, but I was not hoping for any deep relationship. I had a wonderful set of parents and I had no desire for any change in my relationship with them by the inclusion of a birth family... who needs more family issues?

Mom and I where both encouraged, but realized it might be 6 months before I heard anything. She was able to give me some information such as my birth mother lived in Spokane and was 19 yrs. old when she had me. Mom has told me later that she was excited for me and that she wasn't worried about my contacting but she said that dad was. I never got that impression. Dad was having health issues at the time and we learned a few months later that he had end stage cancer at this point.

I was not worried about finding out about my birth mother, but I realized it could be a chance to know where my genetics came from and offer another sence of history. Most people can look at photo albums and see people that they resemble or have a connection with a lineage or history from many generations. I've never felt a need for these things, but I was curious. All I had to do now was wait. Would the couselor be able to locate this woman.